Sermon: Putting on the Love of Christ

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Sermon by Matt Kennedy
Text: Colossians 3:14
Sunday May 17th, 2011

Last week we looked at the list of virtues vv12-13. They are, we said, virtues belonging to Christ and we’re called to play dress up, to put on his clothes.

I held off tackling verse 14 because verse 14 is the beating heart of the entire section.

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Col 3:14).

So if compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, and forgiveness (vv12-13) are articles of Jesus’ clothing—they’re incomplete and mismatched without love which, like a belt, binds them together. Paul is writing at a time when people wore lots of cloth. There was a thin loose robe that served as kind of an undershirt and then on top of that was another outer garment called a cloak and then over that, you would wear a tunic which was yet another large piece of cloth. With all of that loose cloth flapping around, you’d need to have a belt to keep it from billowing around and tripping you up. The belt held your clothing together against your body. It made all three pieces of clothing, one garment.

Love is the virtue that binds together and harmonizes all virtues to the body of the church like a belt.

So first question: What does Paul mean by love? And, second, how does love bind everything in perfect harmony?

It’s easy to see why English speaking Americans might have a hard time understanding the kind of love Paul is referring too. I can say the following:

“I love good music, I love my car, I love to eat ice cream, I love my mom, I love my wife. I love my socks.”

I have one word to describe my attitude toward both my comfortable socks and my wife.

Greek speakers had several different words for love. We’ll talk about 3, eros, phileo and agape. Eros is a sexually charged passionate attraction toward another person that can make you kind of crazy. When it’s strong, eros makes you do stupid things like purchasing 1000 dollar plane tickets from Texas to Oregon on a credit card you get in the mail. Most Americans get married on the basis of a strong deep eros that we call “falling in love”. Ancient people tried not to do that. One other thing about eros that the Greeks knew but we forget, is that it doesn’t last.

Phileo is a friendship/family love—the kind of affection you have for your mom or dad or your best friend. Phileo depends on the other person being related to you or friendly to you in some way. I love my mom because she gave birth to me and cared for me from day one. I love my friends because I can trust them and tell them anything and they’ve stood by me. It’s a deeper and stronger kind of love than eros and can be life-long because it’s grounded in blood and loyalty. This is, by the way, why friends and family sometimes hurt a marriage, because over time phileo is a much more solid kind of love than eros and so when people who got married because they fell in love fall out of love, friends or family become the primary sources of affection and companionship.

The word Paul uses here is not eros or phileo but Agape.

Agape, in its purest form is unnatural. Here’s why.

Most of my relationships now and in the past—both phileo and eros—are based on some level of give and take. When I clean the dishes, do the laundry, dust, vacuum I expect some kind of something in return on that. And when I don’t get it, I’m put out. Hmph, see if I do that again.

Sometimes I do this at church. So someone who comes to church maybe once a quarter, has some crisis in her life and she starts coming back to church. I spend hours with her in counseling and do my best to make sure she’s welcomed and feels comfortable and try to get her involved in things. She starts to feel better. And she’s back to once a quarter. I get mad. I put a lot in. I want some return. That’s natural.

Agape is not natural. Agape is acting self-sacrificially for the good of another person or group. Agape doesn’t depend on anything attractive in the other person or on any kind of relation of blood or loyalty. It doesn’t depend on anything the other person does or does not do. You can’t fall into agape, because it’s not a feeling but a decision to act.

When two people get married they promise to love honor and cherish one another until death. In premarital counseling I’ll ask “What do you think that promise means?” The answer’s generally something like “I’m promising that I’m so in love her that I’ll never leave her.” That’s scary answer. It means that this person is thinking eros is going to be the thing that keeps them together.

It won’t. If you think your marriage is about being with someone you’re in love with what do you do when you’re not in love anymore?

The marriage vow is to Agape the other person until death do you part.  That means you act sacrificially for the good of your spouse—regardless of how he or she reacts or acts or makes you feel—until you die. That’s unnatural.

The tough part about being a disciple of Jesus is this: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. (John 13:34). Agape is not just for marriage.

So, why did God create a people for himself? Maybe he was lonely up there in heaven, nobody to talk too so he made the angels. But they were kind of boring, just playing harps and floating around, so he made us. He needed someone to love. And when we turned away from him he got lonely again so he came to get us in Jesus.

When the bible describes the love of God for us, the word agape is used. God didn’t create because he wanted anything from us. God is his own perfect community, Father Son and Holy Spirit. He doesn’t need anyone to fulfill him or make him happy or to fill any need. God doesn’t need us. His love for us, the love behind both creation and redemption, is a perfectly selfless, sacrificial, self-emptying decision to do good for us despite who we are or what we can give him.

“In love [5] he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will.” (Eph 1:5-6)

Before we did anything good or bad, before we were able to return his love—he decided to love us. He created us in love, and at the same moment, knowing in advance it would cost him his life, he decided to redeem us. Because of what we could do for him or give him? “It depends not on human will or exertion” (Rom 9:16) God already had everything he needed before he created anything or redeemed anyone.

God is Agape. Pure, perfect, agape. Doing good, sacrificially, for another without seeking any return.

So that’s agape is and what it looks like.

You decide to sacrificially do good to me regardless of how I make you feel, regardless of whether you like me. And I decide the same about you.

When I’m walking outside when it’s really cold, snowy, ugly every once in a while I’ll pass a house with just this beautiful golden warm glow coming from the windows and it looks so nice in there I just want to stop my walk and go in. For followers of Jesus the agape of God is like that light. One window for the world to see the agape of God is Christian marriage. The other is, here, the church.

The problem, of course, is that we don’t do it. The worse problem is that I find it hard to want to do it. 

Unlike God, I have lots of needs. I’m always a little bit empty. I have a wonderful wife. I have a great family. I enjoy my job. I’ve got food, clothing. I’m a Christian. But I still lack. I still have needs that aren’t satisfied by the people around me and the things I have.

That lack, that hunger, that need, when I feel it, is telling me to draw close to God. At those moments, God is calling me to seek him, open myself to him, pour out my heart. The emptiness can only be filled by him. He made us for himself and because of that our hearts are restless until they rest in him.

But most often that feeling of emptiness, and I’m speaking here as a believer. Most often I peg that feeling of emptiness and want to something I’m not getting here. Maybe I need to eat more. Maybe I need to watch a movie. Maybe I need to go out. Maybe I need a drink. Maybe I need to be around this person or that person.

But that feeling of need is really a call to go to the Source and be with him.

Now, because I don’t do that as I should, I don’t love you in the right way.

Let me explain. The only way I can agape you as Christ loves me is if I don’t relate to you on the basis of need. If my needs are primarily met in Jesus, then I can give myself to you free from any concern about whether you like me back, or give me thanks, or work for me in the way I work for. Because I don’t need you. I can truly agape you. I can put on a compassionate heart, kindness, meekness, humility, patience, I can suffer all kinds of wrongs from you and do good in return because I don’t need you to love me. I have the love of Jesus.

“Beloved,” says John “let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” (1 John 4:7). You cannot truly agape others unless you are filled with God’s agape. That’s why “whoever loves has been born of God.”

Jesus is the bread of life. He’s the living water. He’s the Good Shepherd who feeds his sheep. If I’m hungry I come to him and he will feed me. The mistake we make is not trusting that, not believing that, not letting him do that and instead seeking what he promises to give us in other things—from our wives to Jim Beam.

When you get that straight, you have your belt on. Every other relationship can be sorted out. Because you’re not dealing with people on the basis of need but on the basis of a free decision to do good for them.

Okay now let’s back up. Agape cuts right through all the weird, strange relationship messes that we get ourselves into because we’re worried about being loved or liked or responded to in a certain way. This what the church is supposed to be like—each of us individually being nourished and satisfied in Jesus and then each of us freely pouring out the love he has poured into us without measure, without hesitation, without looking to see whether its returned or checking to see how we feel about each other first.

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